Hitting the "Delete" button in life....!!

DELETE..

DELETE…

DELETE…

ESC...

Ctrl. ALT. DELETE...

DELETE...

Nothing works !!

Hitting the delete button in a modern world seems simplistic.

Delete  “Contacts” on Blackberry.

”Block sender” in email.

“Remove” friends from Facebook.

But what of the human mind?

A love spurned , a love mis-understood, mis-judged, mis-timed, a love unrequited, ……the trivialities of life.

Pain and anguish, angst and regret now flow through the veins where whence blood  flowed, both head and heart throb in unison; troubled, agonizing throbbing.

But our minds....the most powerful software of them all has no "delete" button.

Why can it not easily forget the love that once was?

Refresh its browser and be anew for another day!

Pablo Neruda knew of the angst I am living through,” Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”

But in his day there was no technology. It was all pen paper, typewriter and carbon paper.

Forgetting lasted as long as it took the ink to fade....Today it gets stored in memory for ever.

We are surrounded by whiz kids and wunderkinds who think they are so smart and have made billions from gigabytes of junk, well why cant they turn their attention to the human computer for a while.

Eradicate our viruses.

Delete our junk.

Remove the hard drive and wipe it clean with a magnet.

Scrub the mother board and reset the power for a newer longer and refreshed life.

Remove the stored problems, the junk,  and the lost love and make me a shiny model filled with terabytes of possibility rather than an aged computer filled with megabytes of regret.

I had one beloved laptop, an Apple Mac Air, which survived countless rounds of emotions and numerous travels with me only to lose it to the burnt out hard rive division within 3 years.

I lost everything, wiped clean with no hope of memory restoral. When it came back from the store it was like new, but had that glazed look about its screen. It was the same, but different. It knew nothing of our previous time together.

I want to be like that too.

I want that glazed look when I look at some people.

As if perhaps we have met but without the longing pain of wanting to hug, to kiss to say sorry, forgive me, take me back, love me, never leave me, be mine, grow old with me, I love you forever.

Some things in life just never will be.

Some code in the human computer just does not sync with other formats.

My hardware may be an older version and hers newer, my code simply outdated.

As I age , I fear my code , whilst the starting blocks of most life and the structure on which all modern computing  has been based, is merely becoming shelved and looked upon, revered , bypassed for a the flashier, speedier more prestigious brand.

Perhaps love and the understanding of it is the final bug in the computing program. Perhaps X and Y do not always make Z.

The newer models may have faster methods of dealing with things, deleting and removing unwanted information, us older models merely crash, burn out, fade to grey,  our screens darkened but the hearts still beating with what could have been, misunderstood thanks to core processors incapable of being read properly by a newer generation.

I have heard and previously quoted such clichés as “to have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all” , “when one door closes another opens" and I am afraid I find them wrong today!

Doors are too numerable and  entering , being lead into doorways where we have no vision to where it itself leads is destiny for yet more pain and further regret. 

"To have loved and lost", depends on the depth of the loss and the seriousness, the depth of the love in the first place. I truly believe it would be better to have never loved than to suffer the human condition of loss at all.

No, of others words that help me at a time such as this I prefer Sufi Epigram who stated,” "When the heart grieves over what is has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left."

My spirit for now is in sleep mode.

I have reset the button of my hearts computer and when it restarts, rekindles, flickers to life once more I hope too the spirit and soul can rejoice over what remains.

An old beat up computer I may be…but laying within, there are spare parts even the young geniuses of today would kill for…

There’s life within this old dinosaur yet perhaps !!!